Management for Failure

Posted by on Jan 25, 2017 in Miscellany | 0 comments

10 ways to Ensure Your Employees Stay in Their Place


1. Demonstrate a Lack of Respect for Your Employee’s Time

Ensure that you ask for deliverables on your schedule regardless of necessity. If your employee must stay late, cancel a vacation, or work a weekend, so be it.  However, once you have the deliverable on time and in order, do not review it for several days.  It’s always best to have your employees rush around so that you can review what they give you in a leisurely manner.


2.  Criticize often and praise seldom

Employees tend to get full of themselves. If they think they are doing a fantastic job, they will ask for a raise. It’s far better to keep your employees insecure so you can more easily control them.


3.  Have unstated expectations. Communicate partial information but expect complete understanding.

Employees by their nature are intuitive, and if they aren’t, then they shouldn’t be working for you. They should be able to read your mind and divine exactly what you expect them to do even if you haven’t expressly stated it. By the same token, if you’ve given them 80% of the information they need, they should be resourceful enough to figure out the other 20% on their own.  Remember: Knowledge is power. Always keep some key information to yourself.


4.  Throw your employees under a bus when things go wrong

What’s the point of having employees if you have to take the hit for mistakes? The buck may stop on your desk, but s**t rolls downhill. The better strategy is to blame your employees (without appearing to do so), particularly if you are speaking with an upset client. This way you can apologize without taking responsibility, and in the worst case, you can fix the problem right way by firing the “responsible” party.


 5.  Yell. If you haven’t reduced at least one employee to tears, you aren’t trying

This one is self-explanatory. Fear equals respect, and yelling—especially if it is over something relatively trivial—will put your employees on the right foot with you.  As Machiavelli said, “Since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is much safer to be feared than loved.”


6.  Have an “open door” policy but act irritable when employees bother you

Open door policies look great on paper, but in fact they are a pain in the keister. Imagine a world where employees can bother you at any time with whatever “important” issue they feel like bringing to your desk. Horrible. To avoid this, be sure to you convey your obvious irritation at any interruption until your employees take pains to avoid coming to your office. This will guarantee that they only speak to you in the direst emergency.


 7.  Ensure that your employees don’t get “uppity”

Many management books will tell you to hire someone who knows more than you do. This is a terrible mistake. An employee who has greater skills than you do is a threat. If by some chance you discover an employee is better at something than you, pigeonhole them before someone else finds out. Remember, employees who are smarter than you will steal your thunder.


8.  Assign all employees as if their entire job description is “other duties as assigned”

Job descriptions get in the way of productivity. Employees should be versatile and able to do whatever job you want them to do regardless of their ostensible role. If an employee has a skill set you need, use them, even if it will take them away from their “job.” This strategy works best when the employee is in a completely different department.


 9.  Don’t stick to meeting agendas – bring up whatever whenever the mood strikes

Meeting agendas are well and good, but they often get in the way of what you want to discuss. Best is not to have a meeting agenda at all, but if people feel there must be an agenda, go ahead and create one. They are just advisory anyway. You should feel free to bring up whatever topic is important to you at any point.


 10.  Talk openly about your employees to other employees and in public work settings

The best policy is to have complete transparency, and the best way to achieve this is to overshare with your employees. Talking negatively about employees you don’t like will endear you to the employees you confide in and will get them on your side. Besides, you’re paying these people, why not use them for some free counseling?


 11.  Don’t limit yourself. 

Ten, eleven, who’s counting?  Rules are for other people.

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